What your parent actually needs you to know right now (and what can wait)

Your parents are fine. Really. They're managing their lives, paying their bills, and showing no signs of slowing down.

So why does it feel irresponsible to not have... something... sorted?

Because "fine now" and "prepared for later" aren't the same thing. And you're trying to figure out what "prepared" actually looks like when there's no crisis forcing your hand.

 

You want to be ready. But ready for what, exactly?

You don't need to know everything about everything. You need to know what would actually matter if "fine" suddenly shifted.

Here's how to think about it.

The three levels of "prepared"

Level 1: You could handle an emergency

If your mum had a fall tomorrow, you'd know:

• How to get into her house

• Who her GP is and how to reach them

• How to pay any urgent bills, if needed

• Who has legal authority to make decisions

That's it. Not her entire medical history. Not her will. Not her funeral wishes.
Just: could you make the urgent decisions and keep her life running for a week?

Level 2: You could step in for three months

If your dad needed you to manage things while he recovered from surgery, you'd know:

• How his bills get paid

• Where his important documents are

• Whether he can afford his current life (or if he's quietly struggling)

• Who to contact about his finances if needed

This isn't about taking over. It's about being able to keep his world functioning if he temporarily can't.

Level 3: You understand what actually matters to them

Beyond the logistics, you know:

• What they're most afraid of about getting older

• What independence means to them

• What they value more than anything else

• What would feel like losing themselves vs. just losing abilities

This doesn't have a checklist. It's the ongoing conversation that makes every other decision clearer.

 

You're in "parents are fine" territory. So realistically, you need Level 1 sorted and to start thinking about Level 2.

Level 3? That's already happening in small moments. You don't need to force it.

The emergency access basics:

• Spare key or access to their home

• Their GP's contact details

• Current medications (even if it's just "something for blood pressure")

• Emergency contact who isn't you (friend, neighbour, other family)

The decision-maker clarity

• Do you know the type and location of care that's important to them? Do you have an understanding of care they wouldn't want?

• Who do they want making medical decisions if they can't?

• Do they have an Advance Care Directive or at least clearly stated wishes and preferences?

• Is the Power of Attorney sorted? (Medical and financial - these are separate)

We've covered how to actually have these conversations without making it weird - so we won't repeat all that here. <Link to Article>

The financial reality check

• Are they genuinely financially secure, or just managing month to month?

• Do they actually know what they have and where it is?

• Would anything fall apart if they couldn't manage their money for three months?

This isn't about control. It's about knowing whether your dad's pension is enough, or if there's a mountain of debt no one's mentioned.

 

Detailed care preferences

In-home care vs. residential aged care? That depends entirely on their health, needs, and financial situation at the time. We'll help you talk about this and plan for it.

Moving or downsizing conversations

Unless they're actively struggling with stairs or maintenance, this is premature. And even if they are, it's their decision, not yours to orchestrate.

The full inventory of their lives

You don't need to catalogue every account, every document, every possession. You just need to know where to find the important stuff if you suddenly need it.

Their life story and legacy

Beautiful to capture. Not urgent to capture right now. Don't confuse "meaningful" with "time-sensitive."

 

It's supposed to give you peace of mind. But it can easily become a source of anxiety if you're trying to prepare for every possible scenario.

Here's permission: you will never be 100% prepared. Something will always surprise you. Some conversations you meant to have won't happen. Some documents won't be where they should be.

The goal isn't perfect preparation. It's knowing enough that when something changes, you're helping your parents navigate it - not just drowning in unknowns.

 

In the next month:

Get the emergency basics sorted. One conversation, probably over coffee: "Hey, if something happened and you couldn't communicate for a week, what would I need to know?"

See where that goes. It usually covers most of Level 1 without you having to tick through a checklist.

In the next three months:

Check in on the legal stuff: "Do you have Power of Attorney sorted? Want me to help you get that done?"

If they don't, here's how to actually make that happen without it becoming a whole thing.

Over the next year:

Start paying more attention to how they're actually doing. Not helicoptering. Just noticing.

Are they managing? Are things slipping? Is the house becoming harder for them to maintain? Are they mentioning being tired or forgetting things more often?

You're not looking for problems. You're just staying aware, so if things do shift, you're not caught completely off guard.

 

Maybe you'll notice small things. They repeat stories more. They're slower on stairs. They mention being lonely, or tired, or finding things harder.

Or maybe nothing changes for years.

Either way, you've got the basics covered. You know who to call, where to find things, and what matters to them. That's what "prepared" actually looks like from here.

The rest? You figure out together when it's actually relevant. 
Vera will be here to guide you every step of the way.

 

It's not because you think they're declining. It's because you love them, and you don't want to be guessing what they'd want in a crisis.

It's because you've seen friends scramble to make decisions without any guidance, and you don't want that for your family.

It's because being prepared isn't about expecting the worst. It's about respecting them enough to honour their wishes, whatever happens.

And right now, while they're fine, is exactly when you can have these conversations without panic or pressure.