The five questions every family needs to ask their ageing parents.

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Most of us spend years making decisions for our ageing parents without ever quite asking. Not because we don't care — because we don't know how to start.

Put The Kettle On is five questions, one afternoon, and their wishes in their own words. Before anyone has to guess.

From Vera — your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent.

Five questions, one for each part of life

What you'll talk about.

01
Who they are.
Their story, in their own words.
02
What matters most.
The things they'd never want to lose.
03
Who they trust.
Who speaks for them when they can't.
04
The practical things.
What they want for their care, their home, the things on paper.
05
What they want remembered.
The version of themselves they hope outlives them.

At the kitchen table.

Sit down with mum or dad on a quiet afternoon. Two cups, your attention, nothing more. Ask the questions in your own words. There's no script. Take your time.

When is the right time?

Things start to change for our ageing parents through their seventies and eighties. But any time is a good time to start. It's about making the time.

After the conversation

Here's what happens next.

Bring back what you heard. Vera turns your parent's answers into a letter in their own words — a record of who they are, what matters most, and what they want. Yours to keep, share, and come back to as things change.

She'll help with what comes next, too. The questions, the practical things, the support to look after yourself as you look after them.

Before you sit down

A few things that help.

01
Sit on the same side of the table.
Side by side is less confronting than face to face. A few biscuits help too.
02
Don't be afraid of silence.
It can feel uncomfortable. Sit with it anyway. The most important thing your parent says is often what comes after a long pause.
03
Write down what surprises you.
Not every word. Just the one or two things you didn't know they felt that way about.
04
Stop before either of you is tired.
You can come back. The conversation is meant to be the start of something, not all of it.

Ready when you are

Five questions. Over a cup of tea.

When you're ready, we're here.

Free PDF · Private and secure. Always. From Vera.

The five questions every family needs to ask their ageing parents.

What you'll talk about.

Who they are.

What matters most.

Who they trust.

The practical things.

What they want remembered.

At the kitchen table.

When is the right time?

Here's what happens next.

A few things that help.

Sit on the same side of the table.

Don't be afraid of silence.

Write down what surprises you.

Stop before either of you is tired.

Five questions. Over a cup of tea.